DIFFICULT PEOPLE #3 - BOUNDARIES
HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE – SERIES BIO
Have you ever had someone in your life that seemed to diminish you, or that caused you to operate as half of yourself, or that squashed a piece of your heart and soul, or who made you unsettled just by the way they projected themselves?
Maybe it is an over-the-top narcissistic, or the distrusting feelings while being with a gossiper, or the anxious feelings of being a future topic of your critical “friend,” or the subservient feelings while standing down to a bully, or the insecure feelings as you hope things are still good with a passive-aggressive, or maybe the emotional drain of an ever-complaining negative person.
How do you deal with such people? How do you stay healthy and retain energy for life? How do you regulate and live as your whole Self, rather than a diminished version of you?
We are excited to learn the systems and tools for our own growth. This new series probably has YOUR name on it too.
REVIEW
WEEK ONE
“It’s not about the DIFFICULT PEOPLE;
It’s about nurturing a HEALTHY ME-OPLE!”
WEEK TWO
“Emotional health requires
I put a COMMA in the DRAMA!”
TODAY
The greatest gift God has given each of us is the power of choice. We always have a choice. This ability to choose, even in the most difficult of situations, empowers us to set perimeters for ourselves and others, for what we want and don’t want. From verbal perimeters, to psychological and emotional markers, to physical bounds, we have a choice to allow or disallow others in.
- What is a boundary?
- How do our boundaries galvanize our sense of identity?
- How do we know if someone crossed a boundary?
- How do we set boundaries without controlling people?
- How do boundaries make me more generous, rather than selfish?
PHYSICAL VIOLATIONS
- Moving into your personal space
- Touching you without permission
- Being inappropriate or too familiar
- Touching or handling things that belong to you
- Violating privacy (cell phones, computers, social media contacts, personal records)
- Damaging or destroying personal property
- Threatening you with personal harm
VERBAL VIOLATIONS
- Not allowing you to speak or be heard
- Raising their voice / Screaming at you
- Saying derogatory or inflammatory things about your integrity
- Gossiping about you
PSYCHOLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL VIOLATIONS
- Preying on your sense of Self and Self-esteem
- Using what you told in confidence as a weapon against you
- Lying to you
- Criticizing, demeaning, judging and manipulating you
- Making fun of you, your thoughts, feelings and beliefs
- Trying to make you feel guilty or responsible for a situation
- Making demands of your time and energy
- Shaming or embarrassing you
- Bullying you
- Assuring you their thoughts are superior to yours
JAMES 5:12 NKJV But above all, my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your "YES" BE "YES," and [your] "NO," "NO," lest you fall into JUDGMENT (hypókrisis – hypocrisy – the acting of a stage player).
- God is the Author of boundaries
- Jesus preached and modeled boundaries
WHY BOUNDARIES?
- To guard the image of God in you
- To guard the health of your heart
- To be more generous
HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES
- How am I DOING?
- Why am I UNCOMFORTABLE?
- What do I WANT?
- How will I COMMUNICATE what I want?
- How will I ENFORCE consequences to the relationship?
CALL TO ACTION
- What is ONE RELATIONSHIP or SCENARIO for which you will immediately work through these FIVE BOUNDARY STEPS?
- What HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS will you have for SUPPORT on your BOUNDARY TEAM?